Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave

As all of Scotland yard and 15 mountees spread out across London, a white haired woman sits quietly in an alley somewhere near Picadilly Circus. Her pale brocade dress appears to be holding up quite well considering what it's been through. (When they say *buy quality it lasts*, I guess they weren't kiddin). Her purse and 105k sparkling diamond brooch might be dangerous bait to the various thugs checking their options this evening, however no one seems interested to dare approach within 100 yards of the woman. Listening to a soothing voice emanating from a tiny red cube, the Queen's head nods slightly, her eyelids flutter.

"And when I count slowly backwards you will awake. You will not recall any of the evening's previous events. And you most certainly will never again respond to a flashing red <12:00> <12:00> <12:00>. Repeat, never ever again respond to a flashing red <12:00> <12:00> <12:00>. Ok.. ready.. steady now.. 3..2..1.. awake!"

X waits, listening, and then speaks into her satellite flip phone, "Hello? Hello?"

The Queen's eyes fly wide open. Holding her head completely still, she shifts them right, then left, and thinks to herself, *something isn't.. quite.. rite*. Looking down at the cube in her hand she lifts its receiver side and listens, "Hello? Yes, this is Wynzrgrl. Is that you X?"

From her surveillence post on a twilit (is that a werd?) Parisian street, X exhales a huge sigh of relief and leans back against the stone building. "Yes Wynzrgrl, it is me, X. Can you tell me where you are?" She looks up towards the 2 empty balconies across the street.

The Queen rises slowly, clutching her purse, and stiffly walks the length of the dark alley. As she steps onto the sidewalk she mumbles, "Why in the world am I so sore?" Given that all of Scotland Yard and 15 mountees are spread out all over London, searching inch by inch, a shout rises a mere block away as she appears at the street, "There she is!"

X listens as the Queen is rescued and rushed off to wherever lost Queens are rushed to before they are returned to their palaces. She flips her phone closed and realizes she's got another call to make. Glancing up at the still empty balconies she flips it open again and waits for it to connect.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mikus?"

"Yes, who is calling?"

"It is X."

After a long pause and the closing of a closet door behind him, Mikus whispers into the receiver, "X. Where are you? I received several calls from the palace. The Queen, she is due here tomorrow night for my fabulous party. But she was hurt in a horrible accident involving fruit and now she has gone missing! They've managed to hide the news from the media so far but I've received a call from the head of Scotland Yar.."

X cuts him off in midsentence. "Relax. She's been found. She's allright. I think. However, do you recall the name of the hypnotherapist that you employed years ago? The one who was to help *convince* the Queen that Camilla isn't such a bad egg? The one we watched use the light stick in front of the VCR when it began flashing <12:00> and.."

Mikus finishes her sentence, "the neural signals that got crossed caused her to go haywire? Oh please, don't remind me of that horrific night." He runs the back of a hand over his forehead as if he might swoon. "If it weren't for you I think she'd still be assaulting chairs."

"Well, just thank your lucky stars that my spy instruction in torture techniques also involved bringing people out of hypnosis. I just talked her out again... Yes tonight... Yes it happened again... No, I've no idea what triggered it... I happened to call in to *the cube* to let her know I am still hot on the trail of *Banana Boy* and I recognized the howls from that horrible night. Luckily I was able to talk her out of trance, however, you're going to have to relocate that dimwit you originally hired and have her permanently undo what she did. Otherwise this could happen again."

Looking up, X notices the light extinguish in Seth's room. "Look, I have to go. Call me when you have more information about the Queen's condition."

As she flips her phone closed and shrugs her jacket up closer to her face, Seth appears on the street. X fades back further into a shadow and watches as he piles into the Smart Car. Peering around the corner, she squints wrinking her nose, "Is that a scooter tied to the roof?" Ducking back quickly, she remains unseen as the lil car pulls away from the curb. When it's taillights disappear around the corner, X jumps into her Volvo parked in the alley and takes off in chase. Little does she know the *swinging night* she is about to observe. Ricardo in a speedo. Frank in purplely glitter nails. Slavco non cogitating. It's like watching a Kept Runway segment rerun.

~~~~~~

The phone rings, again. Lace's fingers flounder all over her nightstand, struggling to find it, again. As she struggles to wake, again, she grasps her alarm clock and looking at it's red numbers, blinks twice, again. It's another voice this time, but it's a familiar one, again. This time she sits bolt upright. Comforters flip away, pillows fly, a cat leaps off her bed.

"Yes... Hello... No I wasn't too asleep.. it's dawn really.. Yes.. I understand.. No I ::she lies:: hadn't heard.. Yes.. I will be there later today."

Hanging up the phone, Lace throws herself back into the featherbed, wishing it could swallow her whole. The first call from the restauranteer she assumed was another psychotic break. The second call could cause her one. Remembering that fateful night 8 years ago, having just finished her ACME online school of hypnosis in just 2 easy lessons, causes her to fold her pillow around her head and over her face. Perhaps she could smother herself and make it look like death from a natural cause. This would be a far cry better than having to try to reverse hypnotize the Queen. She suddenly releases the pillow and again bolts upright.

"I'm not going there alone. Vogue helped me with the *Kept boys*. She can help me with this."

As Lace dials Vogue's phone she bites on her bottom lip. "Please answer, please be home."